Happy Halloween! I hope your celebrations - or not-celebrations - today are safe and wonderful, and that you get to eat your favorite treats. Drop your favorite candy in the comments and let's get to work!
Pat rambles on blackface, giving out not-candy, lights on "for safety," trunk-or-treat, and more before a Flyers Update from The Captain and a festive tune from MUCH BETTER.
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You do not need blackface
I cannot believe this needs to be said aloud in 2026, but here we are. Your costume will not look better or be funnier if you wear blackface. Do not do it. Skip the makeup or pick something else. You will be fine either way, I promise.
Giving out not-candy
Pennies. Stickers. Pamphlets. Floss. These going into your treat bag on Halloween feels like a giant turd being pinched off in there. Either give out chocolate (or cookies or chips) or turn off your light and avoid everyone. We need joy right now, not some weird statement. Get it together, people!
Light on "for safety"
This is one of my biggest patpeeves. The signal for "I have candy on this, the day we all give out candy" is your light being lit. If you do not have candy, do not turn on your light. Leaving it on while not giving out candy crushes many a kid's dreams. Don't do that!
Trunk-or-treat
I have brought this up before, but it's fine to repeat myself on special episodes. I do not understand why people get so angry over this. "My kid will still get a bag full of candy, but they didn't have to WORK FOR IT like I did?! This is an outrage!" That's what these weird losers sound like to me. Guess what? A lot has changed since you were a kid. SYBAU.
MUCH BETTER
Thanks to our dear friends for their festive tune! Go listen to their music here and let them know they're on the clock to get me a Thanksgiving song!
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And that, as we say, is that! Thank you for joining me today. Enjoy whatever you've got going on tonight, and come on back for more me. Until then, don't do anything I wouldn't do!
Crap open a cold one!
(This post was brought to you by Broad Street Bound.)
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