We were a bit over the weather during recording, but that was the only day I was able to record. Sometimes that happens, but we still had fun! Getting snipped, welfare fraud, yelling about chatbots, and more. Let's do this!
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Pat rambles on getting his vasectomy (2:08), cease and desist orders (13:21), hiding deaths (29:32), ChatGPT taxes (42:17), and a Flyers Update from The Captain (48:54).
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The transcript of the episode is in the spoiler tag below:
[00:00:01]
And now for the show that's truly too hot to handle. It's The Melting Pat, and it starts right now. You're listening to The Melting Pat. Here's your host, Pat Johnston.
[00:00:24] Well, thank you, Jerome. Hello, my friends, and welcome to the show. The Melting Pat, the next of the network. How are you? Are we good? We doing okay? I am in a lot of pain today, so... So we made some changes to the show for this episode for this week. We're not doing a song, because I don't have it in me to do a mouth riff today. And if I can't do that, I'd rather not do the song, but...
[00:00:47] Don't worry, we got some stuff coming up, don't you worry, we got music coming up from here/now, and from... Oh, who was it? Telltale, maybe? I forget. Anyway, and we may have an interview with not either of those bands, but we're in the works with a different friend of the show.
[00:01:08] With the i should say with different friends of the show it's more than one so we're working on that but no song today sorry i know i know *mouth riff* There you go you get a little mouth riffing anyway yeah i just.
[00:01:23] You know, if I feel like I can't do it justice, I'd rather just not do it. So there we go with that. Today we will talk about cease and desist orders, letters, order, letter, whichever one. You had some good answers on that one. The question, well, I'll talk about it in a second. We will also talk about welfare fraud. I saw this case in the news the day after I recorded the show, so I had to sit on this
[00:01:46] for a week and I'm pretty disappointed about that because I wanted to tell the story, but that's okay. Now we can do it today. And then we may hear from the captain as we go forward toward the end of the show here. And I also have one little tip for you at the end of the show. So don't miss that. All right. It's about finances. It's important.
[00:02:02] I want you to listen. Okay? All right. But that's later. First thing we're doing today, I got a vasectomy on Friday and oh my goodness, I am in pain today. I, and I talked to several people who had vasectomies and they let me know what was up, how to prep for it, what's going to happen after. It's going to be uncomfortable. It's going to hurt for a little while. It'd be some bruising. Sure. Um,
[00:02:31] But man, today, like the day after, Saturday morning sucked. And then the good drugs kicked in, but they're all gone now. And today, yeah, today sucks. Today's not good. It's just, oh man, just not good. So anyway, shout out to the doctor.
[00:02:47] Won't mention their name because I didn't get didn't get the okay as you know I don't mention people's names unless they say okay, but the nurse her name's Patrice, and she said sure give me a shout-out What the hell hell yeah, I almost said hell yeah, brother brother. Hell. Yeah, sister sister. Let's do this I um, like the procedure itself
[00:03:07] was not bad. It was more uncomfortable than painful. And so what happens is if you don't know when you get a vasectomy, I'm not going to, I won't get too graphic, don't worry. They numb the area, right? They make a little incision, they go inside and snip snip the little, little, uh,
[00:03:24] Whatever it's called little tubes there. They snip that and What my doctor did what I don't know and not every doctor does this Some doctors will just snip snip and then leave it be and say good luck out there, but my doctor What's the word cauterized? Yeah
[00:03:40] She burned the boys she burned the tubes as well and so she's doing on snip snipping and i'm awake by the way because they just numb the area keep you awake and play music and talk to you like there she put on patrice put on spotify so we were talking about that talk about the music we talked about the podcast just having a conversation which did two things.
[00:04:01] Distracted me like it was fun just to have a conversation and it distracted me from what was going on, which is great So yeah, I didn't really feel the snippy snip. I heard it right again awake So I heard the snippy snip and I'm like, oh man, that's interesting didn't look not gonna do that. I'm not a psycho Not that you're a so well. Yeah, I think if you look if you watch yourself being operated on I think you're a bit of a psycho and
[00:04:25] Yeah, we'll leave that in there. So yeah, I, oh man, so doctor's doing the thing, she's like, all right, now you're gonna feel a pinch and a burn, and I for sure felt a pinch and a burn, and that sucked. And she's like, all right, to the other side, snip, snip, snip, moving around, doing all that, okay, pinch and a burn, ooh, felt a pinch and a burn, so that sucked. But hey, it was great for a little while when the anesthesia was still in effect. It sucked after that wore off, and oh, funny thing,
[00:04:54] So at the end of it, the doctor's like, all right, let's get this on there. So she splashed something on my area and it was the most wonderful sensation that I felt. And I said, what was that? Cause that was fantastic.
[00:05:07] I loved it. And she's like, that was just warm water. And I was like, oh, can we do that again? Like, can we do that a couple more times? Cause like, I'm feeling, I feel like I should do that right now. Like I should be doing that on the show. Splashing, it would get a mess, it would get messy in here. Splashing warm water on my, on my crotch. That would be great. The frozen peas are helping. Shout out to everybody who recommended that. Hold on. I had to move them around. I'll probably cut out the sound there. Unless you like that ASMR stuff, but yeah, I am,
[00:05:37] I am neutered, as it were. I mean, we gotta wait and do some testing to make sure it worked. So three months from now, I'll let you know if it worked and if I am officially neutered. So there we go. Shout out to my wife, by the way.
[00:05:52] Man, I felt bad about this because I was like, you know, should we wait til the kid's older and he can kind of take care of himself. So you're not by, you're not with him by yourself for like two or three days when I'm on bed rest. She's like, no, no, no, do it. It's fine. I'll feel better when you do it. I said, okay. And so I was in bed from Friday afternoon, Friday evening.
[00:06:09] to Sunday evening. I tried to come down on Sunday afternoon or like earlier Sunday and I sat on the couch and it really hurt. Like I was really uncomfortable and it was painful. So I was like, ah, dammit, I tried. So then Monday, well,
[00:06:28] Monday morning the kid woke up at 2 40 a.m. For the day. He went to sleep at like 5 p.m Which sometimes he'll wake up at like 8 or 9 and then we'll put him back to sleep by like 11 Or just put him right back to sleep change and put him to sleep and he'll be fine other times He'll sleep for like 15 hours and wake up at 6 or 7 or whatever, but Monday morning Yeah, he was up at 2 40 a.m. For the day. So I got to hang out with him in the wee hours so that was
[00:06:54] That was fun. So yeah, it was interesting. The whole process was interesting. My insurance is good enough that it cost me $10, $10 copay. And I did ask because at the end of this, at the end of three months, I have to do some testing and then I have to give a sample, right? And make sure that it worked, that the boys are not there anymore, right? So I gotta do a sample. So I asked like, hey, do I have to come back
[00:07:20] And, you know, go in a room with a sticky magazine and do that. And they're like, no, no, you do it yourself. Or you go to, uh, you bring your sample to a lab corps. And I was like, all right, well, I'm not, uh, not comfortable carrying the sample to the lab. So let me pay for the kit to do it at home. So they gave me a whole list of here's what you do. Here's when you do it. So again, of course, I will let you know, I'm not going to update you along the way of like, Hey, we've done this this many times. So now we can, no, no, I'm not going to do that. That's weird. But, and that's not what you want to hear.
[00:07:50] Right, but I will let you know in three months if it worked. And hopefully it did. So there we go. Yeah, it was, uh, procedure itself was not bad. The afterward, after stuff is, it's bad. It's like, I'm really, today's a bad day. Like I always say with my back, I have good days and I have bad days. Well, with this, I've had okay days and not okay days, and this is not an okay day.
[00:08:10] So there we go. It's Tue...again it's Tuesday. Hopefully by the time you hear this the stitches will fall out will have fallen out and uh, It's funny. They had to they put it in all caps In bold in the instructions do not try to remove the stitches remove the stitches yourself
[00:08:25] And the doctor also said, to me, out loud, do not try to remove the stitches yourself. So I guess a lot of guys are dumb. I guess that's it. Like a lot of guys are like, oh, I don't need this. And they try to rip them out and cause a bigger problem. So I will deal, I will just moan and complain that I'm uncomfortable and that my... Will we censor that, Jerome? Yeah, probably.
[00:08:49] Yeah, but I'm not going to try to rip out. I'm not a doctor. I'm not a nurse. I'm not a whatever. We're going to let it run its course. Hopefully I'll be good by Friday or Sunday, I guess. And I'll let you know when we can... Well, never mind. We're not going to go there. But we were talking about the podcast. Patrice, the doctor, me, talking about the podcast. And Patrice was saying, hey, you know, my daughter and I kind of want to start a show. And I said, like, there is a myth about podcasting that there are too many. However,
[00:09:18] A lot of podcasts start and go for like three, four, five weeks. And then they realize, hey, this is more work than I wanted to do. Or like, this is harder than I thought. Or I'm not making $100,000 right away. And then they stop.
[00:09:32] So are there a lot of podcasts out there? Yes. But if you want to do it, like what I do, I don't worry about listenership or if I'm going to get sponsors or whatever. I don't even look at my download numbers. To be completely honest with you, I don't even look. It doesn't bother me at all. If one person or 30 people or 500 people listen to the show, I won't know and it won't matter.
[00:09:53] Because I'm going to put the show together the same way. The only way I'm changing the show is if I don't like where it's going. Or if someone reaches out and says, hey, I was listening and I heard this and I think it'd be better if you did it this way. Or like, maybe you should try this. And I do take people's suggestions into account. But other than that, this is for me. I do this show for me and I love it. It's fantastic. I sit with you every week. Today with the peas on my crotch, frozen peas on my crotch here.
[00:10:22] and we have a good time, right? And so why wouldn't I want to keep doing it? And so I encourage anyone who wants to start a show, if you're thinking about it, hey, I want to do a show, have a plan. Don't just turn on the microphone and not have an idea what you're going to do. Have an idea of what the episode will be.
[00:10:38] So if you're going to talk about, oh, let's talk about high school memories or whatever, or let's do, hey, I used to work at a store. Let's talk about dumb customers like I used to do all the time back when I worked at the store. Or like, hey, let's make this a sports day. Or, hey, we'll take some questions. Or things that are like, you know what bothered me today? We'll talk about this.
[00:10:56] Just make a plan it doesn't have to be like you could do like a themed episode every week. We're like okay this week We're doing this this week. We'll do this this week. We'll do this You don't have to do what I do and just mash it all together and hope that it works I think it does it works for me But I would say Patrice if you're out there. Thank you for listening. Thank you for the
[00:11:16] for the great conversation while the doctor was snipping my things. Start the show, do the show. If you have any questions, let me know. The melting pat is where you reach me. Anybody, any questions about starting a show, I will be more than happy to assist you, advise you, do whatever I can because if you wanna do it, the only thing stopping you is you. Like don't let, oh, there are so many shows. Don't worry about that. Some weirdo is talking about that. Leave him over there.
[00:11:46] It's usually a guy. Leave him over there, go enjoy yourself, start your show with your daughter or whoever, and do it. You wanna have fun with it.
[00:11:56] get the idea down, do a little prep work beforehand, turn on the microphones, have a great time, and let me know so I can listen. All right? Thank you, Patrice. Shout out to the doctor. Shout out to, I don't know, my insurance for making it cost 10 bucks. That's crazy, man. $10 to get permanent birth control. 10 bucks. Crazy stuff. I'm in a lot of pain. Well, in a lot of pain is...
[00:12:23] Maybe the wrong phrase. I'm very uncomfortable. So we did cut some things from the show, but that's OK. So we'll take a break now. Maybe we'll have a new sound effect in between. We'll see what we can do. I don't know. We'll take a break. We'll come back and we will talk about whether or not you got to cease and desist and why. And I love all these answers. So we will do that right after this.
[00:12:49] Hey, we're back. Maybe the sound effect made its way in, or two of them, I don't know. I thought about it the other day, if I could use a new sound effect. So if I can find it, we'll do that when we take breaks. Does that sound good? Oh, we didn't do the break. We didn't clap. I'm sorry. All right, let's come back. There we go. All right, was that fun? Is that fun? Is that anything? No? Okay. So, we had a question for you this week.
[00:13:14] This has actually come up for me back in the day, but Jill asked me about this the other day, my smokin hot wife, if you don't know. Have you ever gotten a cease and desist? Because Jill got one from Mary Kay after she was a rep, so we will talk about that. That'll be the last one.
[00:13:30] because that's just silly and I want to make fun of some dork for reporting her. But thank you all for your answers. Meg says, nope. Okay. I'm sorry. The question was, have you ever gotten a cease and desist? If so, for what? And if not, what do you think is the funniest reason to get a cease and desist? Okay. So Meg says, nope. And I think the funniest reason is billionaires being pissy. Their public flight logs are made more public by an ingenuitive dork online. There you go.
[00:14:00] That is funny. They're tracking my flight. That's all public, man. That's completely public. Like, you're just mad because somebody's tweeting about it, making fun of you for doing whatever it is you do. There you go. Fantastic. Good reason to get a C and D, I think. Worth it. Our friends, the band, thru it all, said: we made shirts that said celebrity names backwards. Wanye Kest, Sayor Twift. Sold about 100 on Etsy before Taylor's legal team emailed me and said, don't do this. That's fantastic.
[00:14:29] That's hilarious. First of all, those shirts are funny. That's very funny. Second of all, yeah, I could see why Taylor's team would be like, hey, hey, no, no, no, don't do this. But it's good, like, you didn't have to pay the money back or, like, pay for the proceeds you got from the shirts. They just said, hey, stop it. So that's helpful.
[00:14:47] So, like, you didn't get in real trouble, because, like, nobody kicked down your door and arrested you or took all your money or whatever. They just said, hey, hey, hey, don't do this. So, I like that. See? Not bad, right? And you got a fun story to tell. Good stuff. Alright, our friend on Threads, 12 days in June, said, not me personally, but the company I work for,
[00:15:06] got a cease and desist order from 2K Games for jokingly tweeting at Rockstar asking if they needed a publisher for Grand Theft Auto 6. That is... hilarious? And I did reach out, like, hey, like, what exactly happened? It was basically like, hey, the company where he works responded. 12 Days in June's a band, by the way, or a musician. So we'll be looking at his music, too.
[00:15:27] for later on the show. We'll try it out. I can't believe I'm not listened yet. I'm the worst. I'm a bad friend. I'm sorry. So I was like, hey, like what happened? So yeah, the tweet was some tweet from Rockstar and they replied like, hey, you're looking for a publisher. And then like, it's clearly a joke, but then somebody picks it up and then everybody sees that it goes viral. And then 2K stepped in and said, no, no, no, take it down. Stop, stop the show. Don't do that. So yeah, basically lawyers are not fun.
[00:15:55] And they don't have senses of humor in these cases. So, there we go. No, I get it. I get it. I'm just making a joke. Alright, lawyers? Relax. Okay. M-A-G says, no, but if you're gonna get one, make it so that it's from some guy who's now married to an ex of yours, and you're making a killing off a sex tape the two of you made back in the day, and she doesn't mind.
[00:16:18] Wait, wait, okay. So, you and your ex made a sex tape. And you went, like, are you still... Have you been selling the tape all along? Making money? Or did you only start after she married this other guy?
[00:16:35] were you always doing this? Like say you were with her for whatever, a year, two years, you broke up, it was amicable, whatever. So you're like, hey, we made this tape, can I sell this or whatever? And she's like, yeah, sure, whatever, fine, I don't care. So she moves on with her life, you go about your business, you're selling this tape, this homemade tape, I don't know what kind of production you put into it, but good for you. So you're selling this tape, let's just say she's not with this guy yet.
[00:17:02] And you're selling his tape the whole time. And then she gets with this guy, and they get married, and somehow he finds out about the tape. How he finds out about the tape?
[00:17:12] Maybe that's a question they have to talk to each other about, right? Maybe that's something they need, like, what are you, why are you looking for that? Or she's just like, yeah, I did it years ago, and he asked if he could sell it, and I said, I have no problem with that. And now this guy's mad, so he's trying to get you to stop. Or are you doing this to spite this guy for some reason, and you only started selling the tape after she got married, because you knew the guy somehow, or you heard about the guy, and wanted to get a rise out of him?
[00:17:42] Which one of those is better? I feel like the first way is better for you, because it's something you already were doing and have done for a while, and then the guy finds out and is like, no, that's my wife. Whereas if you're just being a jerk, although it's kind of funny, if you're doing it only after they got married. But if she's okay with it,
[00:18:04] That's really the linchpin for me. Like, if she's not okay, then obviously that's an issue, right? Or if she says, you know what, I'm no longer comfortable, then you stop. But the fact that the guy is wound up about it, because he found it or heard about it or whatever, maybe he, maybe one of his, ooh, one of his friends bought it. And he's like, hey, wait, this woman looks familiar. Hey, Jimmy, you know this guy? You know this girl? He's like, what, what, what, bro? And so that could be funny too.
[00:18:30] But I like to imagine that you, like, you're just doing this after just for fun for yourself to make some money. Like, Hey, made a sex tape. wanna check it out? And somebody buys it. People buy it. And that's funny. So.
[00:18:40] That is a funny reason to get a C and D. Thank you. I know we went off on a couple tangents there, but I think we made it out okay. There we go. All right. Drave says, can't remember if it was a cease and desist, but it was a warning letter from Dish back in the day when I would create all access cards. It was stupid easy to do. They never pursued it. And I only quit because people stopped using Dish. So Dish Network, satellite TV service. Um, Drave did explain this and I, I didn't write the rest of it down. Sorry, buddy. But,
[00:19:09] They would have these cards, I guess, they'd make these cards that would give you all access to everything on the service, all the channels. And I guess you would make the print these cards. I guess they used to be like a floppy disk. You print these cards out and people like, oh, here you go. Stick this in your receiver or whatever and get all the free channels. And that's fun. And Dish Network obviously said, hey, hey, hey, stop that. You're stealing money from us, even though they're crooks and all that. But anyway, thank you, Drave. And good for you for
[00:19:39] Stick it into the man in a way. You didn't technically get a C and D. So that's good So you didn't get any real get in any real trouble, right? Like there was no real consequence except hey knock it off, right?
[00:19:52] So that's not really official. But, I imagine if you had kept doing it, they eventually would have really cracked down. Right? No? Alright. Uh, Seph says, I've gotten a few of the old, cease your swashbuckling on the digital seas notices over the years. I just laugh and keep doing it anyways. They don't really pursue it unless you're spreading wealth like some nautical Robin Hood, which isn't a big deal to me, to be honest, because what real pirate shares? Pfft.
[00:20:18] I get in, get out, and enjoy the spoils. There you go. Yeah, man, you shouldn't pirate shows wink. I I Did know somebody in college who Let's see. We were watching something. Let's say nefariously and we were both so we were both on our computers both watching the same feed and The next day he gets a little red note in his mailbox from IT. Hey, you got flagged for watching this thing and
[00:20:46] And I didn't. And so for years we wondered why he got flagged and I didn't when we were doing the same exact thing. So not really a C&D, just like, hey, we saw you do this, don't do it on our network. And nothing happened because we did it again and nobody cared. So it was fine. It was just, it was fine. So yeah, well, you know, we were in college. We didn't have 60 bucks to pay for the thing. So...
[00:21:11] Yeah, I would imagine they're going to say, hey, knock it off, but they're not going to do anything because you're not sharing it. Like you're just watching it for you. Then they're going to be like, hey, quit it and then move on to somebody else. Because it's not like you're broadcasting it to other people so they could see it, too. You're just like, oh, I want to watch this, whatever it is. So, yeah, I get it. But yeah, that's a good pirate. Why would you share? Don't do that. That's for you. All right. Thanks, buddy. Vito says, never got one from any company or authority.
[00:21:38] But I did get a verbal one from my grandmother when I was a teen and she found out I was downloading music illegally as well as watching pirated WWE pay-per-view streams over the internet. She'd watched one too many scare tactic segments on daytime talk TV. She really thought the cops were going to show up and tote my great-grandmother away to prison since the Comcast account was in her name. That is hysterical.
[00:22:01] I mean, I'm sure your grandmother and great-grandmother were horrified at the possibility, but that is very funny, that you watch a thing on TV, like, oh, if you do this, they're gonna come take away your TV and throw you in jail. And they freak out, and then people, you know, believe it, and they don't have fun. So, there we go. That's very funny. But don't do illegal things, everybody. I feel like I have to say that somewhere on this segment. But yeah, it's...
[00:22:27] Look, man, you wouldn't steal a car, wouldn't I? I might. Well, never mind. I was going to go into a whole thing about what the difference is between having a show available and then no longer having it available because the greedy corporation who runs the thing wants to get a tax break and the car doesn't really work there.
[00:22:47] I guess if you bought a car and then you had it for a while or you, all right, no, maybe buying the car is not exactly the way cause you would own that car then. So if you lease a car from the dealership and you have the car for, let's say two years, you got a three year lease. Then they decide, Hey, we're pulling this car off the market and they come and take your car.
[00:23:08] then wouldn't you be inclined to steal that car back? Because like, hey, I still, we had a contract, we had a deal, right? And you took it. Just like, hey, I'm watching this show. And you said, hey, it's going to be available. And all of a sudden, with no warning, it's gone.
[00:23:23] Cause those like last call things on Netflix, they're not really public. Like they don't go out. What I mean by that is, is they don't go out to every subscriber. Like I had to sign up to get on the mailing list for that to be like, here's what's coming to Netflix. And at the end of the email or the end of the list, they document whatever it is. Uh, it's, Oh, by the way, last call, here are the things that are leaving this month.
[00:23:44] Right, so that, like, if it went to every subscriber to your email, that'd be different. But the fact that they send it to certain people for, like, the press, and then other sites post it, like, there's a way that you don't know that at all. Like, something's leaving and you're in the middle of watching it, and it's like, hey, what the hell, I was watching this show, oh, well, we sent it out to this person over here, and you didn't see it, well, too bad. So that's kind of, like, I get it, I get it.
[00:24:11] You wouldn't steal a car though, might you? If they did that to you? If they sent out a little press release to J.D. Power and Associates and said, hey, by the way, we're pulling this car off the market, so you gotta turn them in and do whatever it is you would do with the car.
[00:24:25] before this day, or we're gonna come take it. And all of a sudden, you walk out to go to work, and your car's gone, or they're taking your car. Like, oh, we told these people, you didn't check that, that's your fault, right? So I guess there we go, we made the car analogy work. You wouldn't steal, you remember those commercials, by the way, anti-piracy commercials back in the day? You wouldn't steal a car, why would you steal a song or a movie? Well, I would if I had access to it, and then with no warning, it was pulled. Then I would think about it.
[00:24:51] So there you go. That's piracy for you in a nutshell. Did we make that work? I think we did. I felt good enough about that. I really wasn't going to do it.
[00:24:59] And then I thought the comedic pause would make it work. And I think it did. So there we go. All right. Last one. Jill says she got one from Mary Kay. This is what brought this on. She used to be a rep for Mary Kay. So she sold makeup at parties or whatever. And then she stopped because she was like, nope, I don't want to do this anymore. Because you have to pay. What happens is you have to pay up front for your product. And then you're kind of stuck with it if you don't sell it. So she stopped being a rep. She had a bunch of leftover stuff.
[00:25:25] and decided, hey, I'm going to advertise this in a Facebook yard sale group or whatever. Hey, I got some stuff. It's new. It's never been opened. You can have it, sell it for, I don't know, five bucks or whatever, and it's yours. And some dork called her out in the group like, oh, if you're a rep, you're not supposed to do that. It's in the contract. And she's like, well, I'm not a rep anymore. So I'm just trying to get rid of this stuff.
[00:25:45] She's like, oh, actually, you can't do that, brah. And all of a sudden, Jill gets a letter from Mary Kay, because this person either, like, was a higher up in Mary Kay, or turned around and ratted her out to the people in Mary Kay, like a f***ing loser.
[00:25:59] And all of a sudden, Jill gets a letter, says, hey, you're reselling our product. You have to stop that. And she had to email the people, whoever they were, the legal people, to say, yes, I got the letter. I got the notice. No, I'm not going to sell any more of your stuff. Which is funny, because if she had just gone to a yard sale, like, hey, I got makeup and sold the makeup, nobody would know or care. Like, unless that person happened to show up and be like, oh, where'd you get this stuff? I bought it and didn't use it. There you go. Done with that.
[00:26:27] How about that? They never would have known if this loser didn't report. Oh my god, what a dork. Get a life. Get a life, nerd. Alright, anyway. Speaking of nerds, I can't believe I've never gotten a cease and desist for the show. I can't. Because I have done...
[00:26:47] I have, what did that guy say? That guy who left me that review, freshly used copyrighted material, right? I've done it when we did favorite movie score, favorite TV theme song, favorite holiday, whatever. Like, I've used little clips of theme songs from movies and TV shows on the show, which I know, technically, am I supposed to do that? Probably not, but not a lot of you listen to the show, so I'm not...
[00:27:13] It's actually, this is a good thing. I'm not saying, oh, nobody listens, bro. I don't care. Like I said, I don't care. I do this for me. So the fact that a lot, not a lot of you listen is actually better because then I can keep doing what I want to do with these segments, play these music things and do all this fun stuff. Cause nobody who's important enough to issue me a notice is going to even know I exist. So that's great. So yeah, I, I can't believe I've never gotten one because technically I have, uh, I've been riding that line for a couple of years, right? I've been, uh,
[00:27:42] What did I say? I guess, not sailing the digital seas, but I've definitely been riding the line between, is this okay and is this not okay, for a while when I do this stuff. But, like, it makes it more fun. It makes me happy that not gonna work anymore, is that not a ton of people listen to the show, so it won't really be a problem. Because in order for it to be an issue, number one, people have to know who you are.
[00:28:06] Number two, a lot of people have to have access to what you're doing. And number three, I think I'd have to be making money, which I am not, not for the base show. And by the way, patrons, when I play those things, the Patreon subscribers don't get those segments, right? Like I don't put in the actual music things in the Patreon version because then that would be the issue, right? Then people are paying to hear that part of that version of the show. And so then I would have to
[00:28:34] pay the people involved and do all that. So we skip all that, but I'm very happy that I've never gotten a cease and desist, and that, uh...
[00:28:44] Yeah, not a lot of you listen to the show, which means I get to keep doing what I want to do, which is fantastic. So thank you all for your answers. Thank you, Jill, for the question. Yeah, cease and desist. If you've ever gotten one, or if you think of a funny reason to get one, let me know. Everywhere at The Melting Pat, we will do the stuff. We can always come back to everything that we have, right? We can always revisit and have fun, all right? All right, this has been a long segment. We're going to take a break. We will do, I saw this.
[00:29:13] Man, right after I recorded last week, a guy used his dad's welfare benefits fraudulently, and this story gets wilder at every turn. I thought so. Wait, do I remember that clearly? No, we're gonna learn together, right after this. Okay, we're back. This story came out a week, or the day after I recorded last week. A man went to jail for hiding his father's death.
[00:29:41] to steal Social Security and pension benefits. And I thought this was insane. So he's been sentenced to five years in prison. Timothy Grittman of Brodheadsville, Pennsylvania, pleaded guilty to wire fraud and Social Security fraud after an investigation found he stole $204,985 of his late father's benefits.
[00:30:08] Man, that's like, that's bad enough, right? But we're going to keep going because it gets better and/or worse.
[00:30:20] So, this guy, the lawyers are like, oh, he chose dollars and cents over dignified death for his dad, and he went to lengths to keep the money coming in to hide his dad's passing, because he wanted the money, he was greedy. All right, cool. So, investigators say that the father, whose name was Ralph, was last seen alive by his family in 2016 when he was 79 and in poor health. Then, the next summer, so 2017, both of them moved to Wyoming,
[00:30:48] So from Pennsylvania to Wyoming, where the father's health benefits were last used in September of that year and never again. So, we can roll with this information that the dad, Ralph, died in September-October 2017. So it's alleged that Timothy, the son,
[00:31:08] hid his father's death from the family. And that's crazy enough. Like the first part of this is like, wow, dude, you didn't tell the family that their relative died. And also you're keeping his money. Like you're faking that he's still alive to keep getting his pension and his social security. Okay. And apparently he disposed of the dad's body, but we don't know where or how.
[00:31:31] Okay. He never reported his dad's death. So like what, the dad died in the house or wherever? I get, well, I guess he must've died at home, right? Cause if he died in the hospital, there's a record of that. And then the scheme doesn't work. So he must like, he went to the hospital and said, Oh, you're in poor health. Take this, do this, whatever. So they take some home. They're in Wyoming for whatever reason, takes him home. And then what the guy just dies in the living room, I guess, or in his sleep or something like that. And so.
[00:31:59] I wonder when he hatched this plan, by the way. Like, how long was he planning to move to Wyoming? Right, away from, I assume, away from family and friends who would notice that he wasn't around. And would, like, check in on him, I guess. Because, I don't know, he's across the country. So we can't do that.
[00:32:18] And so it's like, all right, so he doesn't report it. So he must've died at home. So then he kept using his social security payments and his pension benefits for five years, 2017 to 2022. That is, uh, oh my God. But this next part, this is why it really, why I wanted to bring this up. So in that five year span.
[00:32:41] The guy lied to government officials. He even posed as his father several times by using makeup to make himself look older. So, let's see where we are. 2017, dad's not doing well. 2016, dad's not doing well. 2017, he's like, hey, let's go to Wyoming. Why? I don't know. Let's go to Wyoming for whatever reason. So they use his health insurance. Hey, went to the doctor, got whatever.
[00:33:10] So he dies sometime after that. Dad passed away. Okay. Son doesn't report it. And so for the next five years.
[00:33:21] says, yeah, my dad's still here, Ralph's still alive. So he's been using his checks, keeping his checking account open, keeping his cards active, keeping his, whatever it is, keeping all that, like with the bank, with the DMV, if he's got a car, with whatever, all these agencies, maybe if he was receiving food stamps, Medicaid, whatever, keeping that open as well. So fraudulently filling out those forms too. And then the icing on the cake, buddy,
[00:33:50] Like you had to go, I guess you would have to go to the social security office, or like the pension office or whatever, to be like, hey, every year you go and do a renewal, I guess, and you have to go in and sign some forms. So this guy, instead of like, oh man, we got this for a few months and now the jig's up, because I got to go in and like, got to prove that he's still here. No, he put on old man makeup, probably, you know, walked with a limp, probably got a cane, like, hey, I'm Ralph, how's it going? And just for five years, five years,
[00:34:20] posed as his father several times. He put on, this man put on old, disposed of his dad's body somewhere. There's gotta be a forensic files.
[00:34:31] special about this at some point, right? I mean, you don't have the announcer R.I.P. Peter Thomas, but like, there's got to be some kind of special about this, right? Like, is that, like, Jesus, five years, he posed as his dad, like, imagine, he's sitting in the mirror, right? Dad's, you know, buried in the backyard of this Wyoming property or whatever, or like, under the house or something, and this guy's putting, he's like, gotta go get the, gotta get those payments, man, oh, gotta be, like, what, like, what? What are you doing?
[00:35:00] What are you doing, man? Why? Why? Why? Why? Like, what is the... Oh my God. What are you doing? What are you doing? Also, the guy has not shared what he did with his father's remains or where they are. Investigators have not yet found his body. Found the dad's body after multiple searches. Where do you think they looked?
[00:35:20] By the way, like do they look maybe all right, so No, because they both went to Wyoming. So like maybe he actually buried him like in phil in pennsylvania. Oh my god Uh, he also the guy was ordered to pay $83,188 to the social security administration and also $110,897 to the New York state and local retirement system Jesus Christ
[00:35:48] What are we doing? So when do you think he came up with this plan? Right, so the article says the last time his dad, last time Ralph the dad was seen by family was 2016, he was 79, and he's in poor health. So Timothy decides, hey we're gonna move to Wyoming, dad and I are gonna move to Wyoming. Now let's assume they live together. So let's assume that dad's in poor health, he signs over
[00:36:17] Guess power of attorney or something to Timothy. Maybe they live together And he goes, okay, we're gonna take him to Wyoming we're gonna let him live out there. I'm gonna get him out of the out of the hustle and bustle of Brodheadsville, where is Brodheadsville, by the way, let's look this up. Oh
[00:36:36] I want more information by the way. I don't know where were they in Wyoming. What did detectives do to look for his body? Uh, Brodheadsville is in Monroe County. Oh, that's like an hour and a half from here. Maybe not. Let me see. All right. Maybe it's like two hours. That's north of, yeah, north of Allentown. All right. So it's like two hours away. So two hours from me, by the way. So, so this guy decides.
[00:37:05] population of the town is 1700 by the way as of the 2020 census so
[00:37:13] That's a smallish town, right? So you, like, someone would know, right? Even if, like, family's not there, somebody would know that something was off. Like, hey, where's Ralph? Right? Or like, hey, I haven't seen Ralph in a while. How's he doing? What's going on? It's like somebody would, that's a small enough town, I suppose, that somebody would recognize something was wrong.
[00:37:36] And so this guy's like, hey, we're going to go to Wyoming. We don't know anybody out there. Great. So they go to Wyoming. Dad needs to go to the hospital or the doctor to get pills or whatever. And maybe he got pills, sold the pills for more money. Then the dad died and was like, hey, you know what I could do? We're going to keep this going. I want to know when he hatched the plan for the scheme. I want to know, like, how long was this in the works? Did the guy make his dad sign over power of attorney?
[00:38:03] So he could make all these decisions for him. Oh, did the guy decide to move in with dad? Like maybe he's got siblings. It didn't mention any siblings, but maybe he's got siblings. He's like, I'll take care of dad. Don't worry. And he took care of all the stuff. Right. So he had this plan for years. Oh my God, bro. What are you doing? What are you doing, man? And you don't have to get caught, I guess.
[00:38:24] But five years, though. That's a long time to... I wonder, who tipped him off? Like, somebody had to say, hey, where's my dad? He went to Wyoming with my brother or cousin or whoever. Or, you know, where's grandpa? Where's my brother? Where's whoever? Right? Relative. Where's Ralph? We haven't seen him.
[00:38:43] Who calls it in and says, Hey, something's going on here and I don't like it. And so they find Timothy somewhere. Did they, did he go back to Pennsylvania? I wonder, is that how he got caught? Cause he went back to Pennsylvania. Somebody found him and said, Hey, where's Ralph? Where's dad? Whoever like, what the hell? I need more information. I need a documentary episode about this on ID or whatever. We need to know more about this. We really do. I just, what, why?
[00:39:12] What do you do? So you, Jesus. So you hid your dad's death. You probably hid the body somewhere, right? Cause like you would have to do that off book. Otherwise somebody would have reported it, right? I assume if you go to a crematorium, like an official place, they have a record and they go, Oh, okay. He died here. And they would notify whoever, right? There's probably some legal, uh, some legal thing where they have to do that. Right? So we don't have a situation like this. So he had to do it himself. Right? Let's roll with this.
[00:39:43] He disposed of it himself, kept the money coming in, so he was, you know, forging all those documents and e-signatures and whatever he had to do for the Social Security and the pension. So he was forging that stuff to say, hey, yeah, Ralph's still here, he's getting the money, sure, great. And then he posed as his dad.
[00:40:02] He put on old man makeup to go to social security to keep the checks coming. That's devious, dude. That is devious. But he's been sentenced to five years in prison. And I hope at some point we figure out what happened. Where did dad go? Where's Ralph? Where is Ralph? You tell me right now, God damn it. Where is Ralph? Who's getting a TV show about this? Gee, this is crazy. Probably not the only story like this. So if you've got a story, a crazy story where somebody's pretending to be their dad,
[00:40:32] I want to know about it. Cause that's, I want more stories like this. More weird crime stories. Where guys get caught. Cause they're, he slipped up somewhere. He had to, otherwise we wouldn't hear about this. So. Oh boy, so he's going to prison. As he should.
[00:40:49] So the lesson here is don't pretend to be your dead dad and don't hide his death from the family. Cause they're going to find out. They're going to wonder, Hey, where the hell's Ralph? What's that guy up to? And then you have this happen. So there we go. Welfare fraud, man. And social security fraud, like bro. What the fact they said welfare fraud makes me think he was using a fraudulent food stamps too. Or like Medicaid or something like that.
[00:41:14] So I feel like he, uh, he used that too. So triple whammy, I suppose, but good Lord, bro. Don't. If I could teach you anything, don't do this. Don't be this guy. Don't be this guy. All right. The recording program starting to yell at me. So we'll take a break. We will come back. We'll talk about, uh, Oh, the captain. We should have the captain talk about the fly guys right after the hope this all worked break. We'll be right back.
[00:41:45] Okay. There you have it. Sorry. I'm adjusting myself here. I should probably take this out. Hold on. I think it was longer than 20 minutes. I'm supposed to, uh, take off the peas after 20 minutes and then 20 minutes go by and then I put it back on and hopefully that helps. I don't know. It really, it helped in the moment. So that's good. All right. So welfare man, don't, don't pretend to be your dead dad to get a social security, bro. Get a job, get a job. You bum Jesus. Sorry. I'm moving the peas. Hold on.
[00:42:14] I have nowhere else to put them. I'll keep them in my lap. It'll be fine. So let me tell you one thing before we go to the captain and before we end the show. I saw this the other day. You can now do your taxes through ChatGPT. And I have to tell you, please don't do this. If I can teach you anything about finances, let me teach you two things. Number one,
[00:42:41] Never take a cash advance on your credit card. You will get slammed with so much interest. You will never be able to pay that off. Don't do it because if you have to take a cash advance, it means you're already in dire straits. So don't dig the hole deeper because otherwise you'll have to pretend to be your dead dad to get his pension to pay that off. So don't do that. So that's the first thing. The second thing.
[00:43:05] Do not use a chat bot to do your taxes. Certainly don't pay it $50. Like whoever's running chat GPT, they're charging $50. I just don't know. Don't do that. Don't use chat. Don't use a damn chat bot to do your taxes.
[00:43:24] Don't do that. If you want to pay somebody to do your taxes, give me 50 bucks. I'll do your taxes. I've been doing my own taxes since I was 18. All right. Half my life. Almost. I'll do your taxes. PayPal me 50 bucks. I'll do your taxes right now. I'll do it in 15 minutes. Well, I guess it depends on how many people there are, but I know how to do it. Don't use a chat bot to do your taxes. Why would you do that? Why? Why? All right. Listen,
[00:43:55] A chatbot at its core is just taking information that people give it and using that to update its own service to spit out new information, right? So it tells the store like it, it, the chatbot is good until like 2022 or up to date as of like 2022 on internet knowledge, right? Cause that's all the code that's been fed into it, right? Why would you take that? Like,
[00:44:23] When Phry McDunstan was on the show a couple months ago, we talked about AI and basically what these bots do is they update themselves based on information people give it. So what would possess you to give your financial information to a chatbot, to like the open internet? I'm not saying the internet's super secure all the time, and sure, we all take risks with what we put online, but please, for the love of whatever you pray to,
[00:44:53] Do not use a chatbot to do your taxes. If you need to spend the money, go to H and R Block or pay me. I'm cheaper. I promise. It's going to be great. It'll be fine. Or learn how to do your taxes. You're an adult. Figure it out.
[00:45:11] Oh my god, don't, don't do your, like, H and R Block's free, bud. TurboTax used to be free. H and R Block was free for me. We had a simple return, we just got a refund the other day. But please do not, don't use a chatbot to do your taxes. Just don't, why would you do this? Why?
[00:45:33] Look, I love technology as much as the next guy. I really do. I think you can do some cool things with AI, and there are some things that AI should not be used for. One of the things AI should not be used for is do your taxes! Do your own taxes! Oh my god. Why would you do that? Why? Why? I just rub my hands on my face like, why would you do... Why? First of all,
[00:46:00] Don't put financial information into a chatbot. That's the first thing. Don't put any personal information into a chatbot. And don't pay it either. Like, why would you? Why? What are you doing? How complicated? Well, okay, if your taxes are that complicated, pay an actual CPA or pay H and R block, whoever, right? Your solution should not be, I'm gonna use ChatGPT to do my taxes. Here's 50 bucks.
[00:46:27] What is wrong with you? Look, if we get any IRS people listening, if someone does their taxes through ChatGPT, just even them out. Or like, make them pay you 50 bucks.
[00:46:42] Like, you already paid ChatGPT 50 bucks, you gotta pay us 50 bucks too, because you wasted our time. That's what you should do. That'll help, right? So you already paid 50 bucks to the chatbot for your taxes, and the IRS decided, hey, you're stupid, pay us 50 bucks too. You won't know that it's wrong, because you used the damn chatbot to do your taxes. Jesus. Don't... Look, because then, again, you have to go and pretend to be your dead dad to use his pension, because you're out of money, because you had to pay ChatGPT and the IRS.
[00:47:11] Don't, just don't, Jesus. Again, if I can teach you two financial literacy things in your life. Look, I'm not a genius, but I've learned a lot. I'm 35, I'm a dad. I feel qualified to give advice. And I will give you these two pieces of advice for free.
[00:47:31] Do not take a cash advance on a credit card. Do not use a chatbot to do your taxes. For the love of whatever you, again, for the love of God or whoever, do not use a chatbot to do your taxes, you dumb... We're done. People are too stupid. We should not have access to this technology because nobody knows how to use it. Not nobody, but people are paying 50 bucks to do their taxes for.
[00:48:01] I really hope the captain's here so he can save us again. Because, um, now I'm flummoxed. I really was just gonna tell you at the top, like, hey, hey, hey, don't use a chatbot to do your taxes, you idiot. And then, seven minutes later, here we are. So... I just...
[00:48:17] I don't know who thought this was a good idea. I don't know who thinks it's a good idea to pay a chatbot to do your taxes. It's not. It's a terrible idea. And don't do this. Don't do that. Don't. Just don't. Just don't do it. Why not? If you have to ask, you're too dumb to know. Just don't use a chatbot to do your taxes. Okay? And don't take a cash advance on a credit card. All right? All right. There we go. Captain, please be there to save us, because we need some levity after this. Levity, brevity. I'm hungry. All right.
[00:48:47] Captain, tell us what's up with the fly guys. The floor, please be there. The floor is yours. Take it away. Hey, Flyers fans, Mark back at you again, giving another Flyers Update! Yeah! Woo! Guys, here we are towards the end of February, rolling into the last two months of the hockey season. The Flyers currently sitting third in the Metropolitan Division. They have some tough games coming up,
[00:49:17] Divisional games coming up so let's take a look at where they have been recently. So last Thursday Flyers ended up losing 4-3
[00:49:26] against the Toronto Maple Leafs in Toronto in overtime. This game went back and forth, back and forth, the Flyers clawing back, showing that resilience as they have all season. Then on Saturday, the Flyers had a very special game, the stadium series playing up at MetLife Stadium, the Flyers taking on the Devils. Now, the outcome wasn't quite what they wanted, ended up losing that game six to three.
[00:49:50] But the Flyers were able to showcase what they have going on. This is a rebuilding team and the Flyers had that prime time game to show some of those young stars. Now tonight the Flyers are going to be heading to Chicago, taking on the Blackhawks, playing a very poor Chicago team. However, Conor Bedard is back, coming back from that jaw fracture. So it'll be exciting to see the kid out there.
[00:50:13] we'll see what they can do but I think the Flyers can handle business tonight. then the Flyers are gonna take on two division rivals: they're taking on the rangers Saturday and then the Penguins Sunday, the rangers are playing
[00:50:24] in philly on saturday, then the Flyers have to go up to Pittsburgh on Sunday. So two huge games for the division, and then they're gonna finish out next Tuesday: they're playing against the Lightning at home. And that finishes out February, guys. And then we're rolling into only 22 games left after that: 15 in March, 7 in April.
[00:50:46] The Flyers currently standing third place in the Metropolitan Division. I am excited. I think this team can do it. I think they can make the playoffs. Let's see if they can continue to push and make these games count to get those big points. So, guys, that's it for me here inside the Melting Pat on Next Level Radio. Thank you, my friend, the Melting Pat, the Next Level Network, in case he wasn't there, in which case... Oh, boy. All right. Thanks, everybody. That's it.
[00:51:15] That is it for me today. Sorry, no song. I know I didn't have a... Didn't have a... It in me to do a real mouth riff and do it justice, but... Next week we should be back. We should be okay with... My... should be better. We should be... We should be okay to do what we usually do. Shout out to the doctor. Shout out to Patrice for doing such great work on the old Snippy Snip. I'll keep you... I won't keep you posted, but I'll let you know in three months if it worked.
[00:51:43] So fingers and toes crossed. Thank you everybody for your cease and desist answers. That was a lot of fun. And don't pretend to be your dead dad or dead any relative to get their pension because you're going to get caught because nobody is slick enough to not get caught. All right? All right. And don't use a chat bot to do your taxes. That's all. Okay?
[00:52:01] All right, The Melting Pat dot com for all of my stuff. The newsletter, the Patreon, all the music we play, all the things that are up there on the website for you. There's a contact page, that is the best way to get a hold of me. Leave a message, send a text, 209-867-7638. Do the things over there. We'll have all the fun. Okay? Alright. We're good, right?
[00:52:25] I hope this all worked. I don't know. It sounds... it's probably okay. We'll find out later or we'll have to re-record all this tomorrow. We'll do our best. But that is all. G Love and Special Sauce with cold beverage. They're gonna play us out as they always do. Philadelphonic dot com for more from them. And that, my friends, is our show. Thank you very much. Take care. Don't be stupid. Right?
[00:52:47] Right. This has been a Nate Boylan production. Until next time, my friends. Have fun. Be safe. Thank a veteran. Wear your mask. Wash your hands. Get vaccinated and boosted when you can. And of course, don't do anything I wouldn't do. We are good, right? Yes. Thank you. I love you. Go have fun. Okay? All right. Break. You've been inside The Melting Pat on the Next Level Network. Go crap open a cold one.
[00:53:37] Song: G. Love and Special Sauce - Cold Beverage
[00:00:24] Well, thank you, Jerome. Hello, my friends, and welcome to the show. The Melting Pat, the next of the network. How are you? Are we good? We doing okay? I am in a lot of pain today, so... So we made some changes to the show for this episode for this week. We're not doing a song, because I don't have it in me to do a mouth riff today. And if I can't do that, I'd rather not do the song, but...
[00:00:47] Don't worry, we got some stuff coming up, don't you worry, we got music coming up from here/now, and from... Oh, who was it? Telltale, maybe? I forget. Anyway, and we may have an interview with not either of those bands, but we're in the works with a different friend of the show.
[00:01:08] With the i should say with different friends of the show it's more than one so we're working on that but no song today sorry i know i know *mouth riff* There you go you get a little mouth riffing anyway yeah i just.
[00:01:23] You know, if I feel like I can't do it justice, I'd rather just not do it. So there we go with that. Today we will talk about cease and desist orders, letters, order, letter, whichever one. You had some good answers on that one. The question, well, I'll talk about it in a second. We will also talk about welfare fraud. I saw this case in the news the day after I recorded the show, so I had to sit on this
[00:01:46] for a week and I'm pretty disappointed about that because I wanted to tell the story, but that's okay. Now we can do it today. And then we may hear from the captain as we go forward toward the end of the show here. And I also have one little tip for you at the end of the show. So don't miss that. All right. It's about finances. It's important.
[00:02:02] I want you to listen. Okay? All right. But that's later. First thing we're doing today, I got a vasectomy on Friday and oh my goodness, I am in pain today. I, and I talked to several people who had vasectomies and they let me know what was up, how to prep for it, what's going to happen after. It's going to be uncomfortable. It's going to hurt for a little while. It'd be some bruising. Sure. Um,
[00:02:31] But man, today, like the day after, Saturday morning sucked. And then the good drugs kicked in, but they're all gone now. And today, yeah, today sucks. Today's not good. It's just, oh man, just not good. So anyway, shout out to the doctor.
[00:02:47] Won't mention their name because I didn't get didn't get the okay as you know I don't mention people's names unless they say okay, but the nurse her name's Patrice, and she said sure give me a shout-out What the hell hell yeah, I almost said hell yeah, brother brother. Hell. Yeah, sister sister. Let's do this I um, like the procedure itself
[00:03:07] was not bad. It was more uncomfortable than painful. And so what happens is if you don't know when you get a vasectomy, I'm not going to, I won't get too graphic, don't worry. They numb the area, right? They make a little incision, they go inside and snip snip the little, little, uh,
[00:03:24] Whatever it's called little tubes there. They snip that and What my doctor did what I don't know and not every doctor does this Some doctors will just snip snip and then leave it be and say good luck out there, but my doctor What's the word cauterized? Yeah
[00:03:40] She burned the boys she burned the tubes as well and so she's doing on snip snipping and i'm awake by the way because they just numb the area keep you awake and play music and talk to you like there she put on patrice put on spotify so we were talking about that talk about the music we talked about the podcast just having a conversation which did two things.
[00:04:01] Distracted me like it was fun just to have a conversation and it distracted me from what was going on, which is great So yeah, I didn't really feel the snippy snip. I heard it right again awake So I heard the snippy snip and I'm like, oh man, that's interesting didn't look not gonna do that. I'm not a psycho Not that you're a so well. Yeah, I think if you look if you watch yourself being operated on I think you're a bit of a psycho and
[00:04:25] Yeah, we'll leave that in there. So yeah, I, oh man, so doctor's doing the thing, she's like, all right, now you're gonna feel a pinch and a burn, and I for sure felt a pinch and a burn, and that sucked. And she's like, all right, to the other side, snip, snip, snip, moving around, doing all that, okay, pinch and a burn, ooh, felt a pinch and a burn, so that sucked. But hey, it was great for a little while when the anesthesia was still in effect. It sucked after that wore off, and oh, funny thing,
[00:04:54] So at the end of it, the doctor's like, all right, let's get this on there. So she splashed something on my area and it was the most wonderful sensation that I felt. And I said, what was that? Cause that was fantastic.
[00:05:07] I loved it. And she's like, that was just warm water. And I was like, oh, can we do that again? Like, can we do that a couple more times? Cause like, I'm feeling, I feel like I should do that right now. Like I should be doing that on the show. Splashing, it would get a mess, it would get messy in here. Splashing warm water on my, on my crotch. That would be great. The frozen peas are helping. Shout out to everybody who recommended that. Hold on. I had to move them around. I'll probably cut out the sound there. Unless you like that ASMR stuff, but yeah, I am,
[00:05:37] I am neutered, as it were. I mean, we gotta wait and do some testing to make sure it worked. So three months from now, I'll let you know if it worked and if I am officially neutered. So there we go. Shout out to my wife, by the way.
[00:05:52] Man, I felt bad about this because I was like, you know, should we wait til the kid's older and he can kind of take care of himself. So you're not by, you're not with him by yourself for like two or three days when I'm on bed rest. She's like, no, no, no, do it. It's fine. I'll feel better when you do it. I said, okay. And so I was in bed from Friday afternoon, Friday evening.
[00:06:09] to Sunday evening. I tried to come down on Sunday afternoon or like earlier Sunday and I sat on the couch and it really hurt. Like I was really uncomfortable and it was painful. So I was like, ah, dammit, I tried. So then Monday, well,
[00:06:28] Monday morning the kid woke up at 2 40 a.m. For the day. He went to sleep at like 5 p.m Which sometimes he'll wake up at like 8 or 9 and then we'll put him back to sleep by like 11 Or just put him right back to sleep change and put him to sleep and he'll be fine other times He'll sleep for like 15 hours and wake up at 6 or 7 or whatever, but Monday morning Yeah, he was up at 2 40 a.m. For the day. So I got to hang out with him in the wee hours so that was
[00:06:54] That was fun. So yeah, it was interesting. The whole process was interesting. My insurance is good enough that it cost me $10, $10 copay. And I did ask because at the end of this, at the end of three months, I have to do some testing and then I have to give a sample, right? And make sure that it worked, that the boys are not there anymore, right? So I gotta do a sample. So I asked like, hey, do I have to come back
[00:07:20] And, you know, go in a room with a sticky magazine and do that. And they're like, no, no, you do it yourself. Or you go to, uh, you bring your sample to a lab corps. And I was like, all right, well, I'm not, uh, not comfortable carrying the sample to the lab. So let me pay for the kit to do it at home. So they gave me a whole list of here's what you do. Here's when you do it. So again, of course, I will let you know, I'm not going to update you along the way of like, Hey, we've done this this many times. So now we can, no, no, I'm not going to do that. That's weird. But, and that's not what you want to hear.
[00:07:50] Right, but I will let you know in three months if it worked. And hopefully it did. So there we go. Yeah, it was, uh, procedure itself was not bad. The afterward, after stuff is, it's bad. It's like, I'm really, today's a bad day. Like I always say with my back, I have good days and I have bad days. Well, with this, I've had okay days and not okay days, and this is not an okay day.
[00:08:10] So there we go. It's Tue...again it's Tuesday. Hopefully by the time you hear this the stitches will fall out will have fallen out and uh, It's funny. They had to they put it in all caps In bold in the instructions do not try to remove the stitches remove the stitches yourself
[00:08:25] And the doctor also said, to me, out loud, do not try to remove the stitches yourself. So I guess a lot of guys are dumb. I guess that's it. Like a lot of guys are like, oh, I don't need this. And they try to rip them out and cause a bigger problem. So I will deal, I will just moan and complain that I'm uncomfortable and that my... Will we censor that, Jerome? Yeah, probably.
[00:08:49] Yeah, but I'm not going to try to rip out. I'm not a doctor. I'm not a nurse. I'm not a whatever. We're going to let it run its course. Hopefully I'll be good by Friday or Sunday, I guess. And I'll let you know when we can... Well, never mind. We're not going to go there. But we were talking about the podcast. Patrice, the doctor, me, talking about the podcast. And Patrice was saying, hey, you know, my daughter and I kind of want to start a show. And I said, like, there is a myth about podcasting that there are too many. However,
[00:09:18] A lot of podcasts start and go for like three, four, five weeks. And then they realize, hey, this is more work than I wanted to do. Or like, this is harder than I thought. Or I'm not making $100,000 right away. And then they stop.
[00:09:32] So are there a lot of podcasts out there? Yes. But if you want to do it, like what I do, I don't worry about listenership or if I'm going to get sponsors or whatever. I don't even look at my download numbers. To be completely honest with you, I don't even look. It doesn't bother me at all. If one person or 30 people or 500 people listen to the show, I won't know and it won't matter.
[00:09:53] Because I'm going to put the show together the same way. The only way I'm changing the show is if I don't like where it's going. Or if someone reaches out and says, hey, I was listening and I heard this and I think it'd be better if you did it this way. Or like, maybe you should try this. And I do take people's suggestions into account. But other than that, this is for me. I do this show for me and I love it. It's fantastic. I sit with you every week. Today with the peas on my crotch, frozen peas on my crotch here.
[00:10:22] and we have a good time, right? And so why wouldn't I want to keep doing it? And so I encourage anyone who wants to start a show, if you're thinking about it, hey, I want to do a show, have a plan. Don't just turn on the microphone and not have an idea what you're going to do. Have an idea of what the episode will be.
[00:10:38] So if you're going to talk about, oh, let's talk about high school memories or whatever, or let's do, hey, I used to work at a store. Let's talk about dumb customers like I used to do all the time back when I worked at the store. Or like, hey, let's make this a sports day. Or, hey, we'll take some questions. Or things that are like, you know what bothered me today? We'll talk about this.
[00:10:56] Just make a plan it doesn't have to be like you could do like a themed episode every week. We're like okay this week We're doing this this week. We'll do this this week. We'll do this You don't have to do what I do and just mash it all together and hope that it works I think it does it works for me But I would say Patrice if you're out there. Thank you for listening. Thank you for the
[00:11:16] for the great conversation while the doctor was snipping my things. Start the show, do the show. If you have any questions, let me know. The melting pat is where you reach me. Anybody, any questions about starting a show, I will be more than happy to assist you, advise you, do whatever I can because if you wanna do it, the only thing stopping you is you. Like don't let, oh, there are so many shows. Don't worry about that. Some weirdo is talking about that. Leave him over there.
[00:11:46] It's usually a guy. Leave him over there, go enjoy yourself, start your show with your daughter or whoever, and do it. You wanna have fun with it.
[00:11:56] get the idea down, do a little prep work beforehand, turn on the microphones, have a great time, and let me know so I can listen. All right? Thank you, Patrice. Shout out to the doctor. Shout out to, I don't know, my insurance for making it cost 10 bucks. That's crazy, man. $10 to get permanent birth control. 10 bucks. Crazy stuff. I'm in a lot of pain. Well, in a lot of pain is...
[00:12:23] Maybe the wrong phrase. I'm very uncomfortable. So we did cut some things from the show, but that's OK. So we'll take a break now. Maybe we'll have a new sound effect in between. We'll see what we can do. I don't know. We'll take a break. We'll come back and we will talk about whether or not you got to cease and desist and why. And I love all these answers. So we will do that right after this.
[00:12:49] Hey, we're back. Maybe the sound effect made its way in, or two of them, I don't know. I thought about it the other day, if I could use a new sound effect. So if I can find it, we'll do that when we take breaks. Does that sound good? Oh, we didn't do the break. We didn't clap. I'm sorry. All right, let's come back. There we go. All right, was that fun? Is that fun? Is that anything? No? Okay. So, we had a question for you this week.
[00:13:14] This has actually come up for me back in the day, but Jill asked me about this the other day, my smokin hot wife, if you don't know. Have you ever gotten a cease and desist? Because Jill got one from Mary Kay after she was a rep, so we will talk about that. That'll be the last one.
[00:13:30] because that's just silly and I want to make fun of some dork for reporting her. But thank you all for your answers. Meg says, nope. Okay. I'm sorry. The question was, have you ever gotten a cease and desist? If so, for what? And if not, what do you think is the funniest reason to get a cease and desist? Okay. So Meg says, nope. And I think the funniest reason is billionaires being pissy. Their public flight logs are made more public by an ingenuitive dork online. There you go.
[00:14:00] That is funny. They're tracking my flight. That's all public, man. That's completely public. Like, you're just mad because somebody's tweeting about it, making fun of you for doing whatever it is you do. There you go. Fantastic. Good reason to get a C and D, I think. Worth it. Our friends, the band, thru it all, said: we made shirts that said celebrity names backwards. Wanye Kest, Sayor Twift. Sold about 100 on Etsy before Taylor's legal team emailed me and said, don't do this. That's fantastic.
[00:14:29] That's hilarious. First of all, those shirts are funny. That's very funny. Second of all, yeah, I could see why Taylor's team would be like, hey, hey, no, no, no, don't do this. But it's good, like, you didn't have to pay the money back or, like, pay for the proceeds you got from the shirts. They just said, hey, stop it. So that's helpful.
[00:14:47] So, like, you didn't get in real trouble, because, like, nobody kicked down your door and arrested you or took all your money or whatever. They just said, hey, hey, hey, don't do this. So, I like that. See? Not bad, right? And you got a fun story to tell. Good stuff. Alright, our friend on Threads, 12 days in June, said, not me personally, but the company I work for,
[00:15:06] got a cease and desist order from 2K Games for jokingly tweeting at Rockstar asking if they needed a publisher for Grand Theft Auto 6. That is... hilarious? And I did reach out, like, hey, like, what exactly happened? It was basically like, hey, the company where he works responded. 12 Days in June's a band, by the way, or a musician. So we'll be looking at his music, too.
[00:15:27] for later on the show. We'll try it out. I can't believe I'm not listened yet. I'm the worst. I'm a bad friend. I'm sorry. So I was like, hey, like what happened? So yeah, the tweet was some tweet from Rockstar and they replied like, hey, you're looking for a publisher. And then like, it's clearly a joke, but then somebody picks it up and then everybody sees that it goes viral. And then 2K stepped in and said, no, no, no, take it down. Stop, stop the show. Don't do that. So yeah, basically lawyers are not fun.
[00:15:55] And they don't have senses of humor in these cases. So, there we go. No, I get it. I get it. I'm just making a joke. Alright, lawyers? Relax. Okay. M-A-G says, no, but if you're gonna get one, make it so that it's from some guy who's now married to an ex of yours, and you're making a killing off a sex tape the two of you made back in the day, and she doesn't mind.
[00:16:18] Wait, wait, okay. So, you and your ex made a sex tape. And you went, like, are you still... Have you been selling the tape all along? Making money? Or did you only start after she married this other guy?
[00:16:35] were you always doing this? Like say you were with her for whatever, a year, two years, you broke up, it was amicable, whatever. So you're like, hey, we made this tape, can I sell this or whatever? And she's like, yeah, sure, whatever, fine, I don't care. So she moves on with her life, you go about your business, you're selling this tape, this homemade tape, I don't know what kind of production you put into it, but good for you. So you're selling this tape, let's just say she's not with this guy yet.
[00:17:02] And you're selling his tape the whole time. And then she gets with this guy, and they get married, and somehow he finds out about the tape. How he finds out about the tape?
[00:17:12] Maybe that's a question they have to talk to each other about, right? Maybe that's something they need, like, what are you, why are you looking for that? Or she's just like, yeah, I did it years ago, and he asked if he could sell it, and I said, I have no problem with that. And now this guy's mad, so he's trying to get you to stop. Or are you doing this to spite this guy for some reason, and you only started selling the tape after she got married, because you knew the guy somehow, or you heard about the guy, and wanted to get a rise out of him?
[00:17:42] Which one of those is better? I feel like the first way is better for you, because it's something you already were doing and have done for a while, and then the guy finds out and is like, no, that's my wife. Whereas if you're just being a jerk, although it's kind of funny, if you're doing it only after they got married. But if she's okay with it,
[00:18:04] That's really the linchpin for me. Like, if she's not okay, then obviously that's an issue, right? Or if she says, you know what, I'm no longer comfortable, then you stop. But the fact that the guy is wound up about it, because he found it or heard about it or whatever, maybe he, maybe one of his, ooh, one of his friends bought it. And he's like, hey, wait, this woman looks familiar. Hey, Jimmy, you know this guy? You know this girl? He's like, what, what, what, bro? And so that could be funny too.
[00:18:30] But I like to imagine that you, like, you're just doing this after just for fun for yourself to make some money. Like, Hey, made a sex tape. wanna check it out? And somebody buys it. People buy it. And that's funny. So.
[00:18:40] That is a funny reason to get a C and D. Thank you. I know we went off on a couple tangents there, but I think we made it out okay. There we go. All right. Drave says, can't remember if it was a cease and desist, but it was a warning letter from Dish back in the day when I would create all access cards. It was stupid easy to do. They never pursued it. And I only quit because people stopped using Dish. So Dish Network, satellite TV service. Um, Drave did explain this and I, I didn't write the rest of it down. Sorry, buddy. But,
[00:19:09] They would have these cards, I guess, they'd make these cards that would give you all access to everything on the service, all the channels. And I guess you would make the print these cards. I guess they used to be like a floppy disk. You print these cards out and people like, oh, here you go. Stick this in your receiver or whatever and get all the free channels. And that's fun. And Dish Network obviously said, hey, hey, hey, stop that. You're stealing money from us, even though they're crooks and all that. But anyway, thank you, Drave. And good for you for
[00:19:39] Stick it into the man in a way. You didn't technically get a C and D. So that's good So you didn't get any real get in any real trouble, right? Like there was no real consequence except hey knock it off, right?
[00:19:52] So that's not really official. But, I imagine if you had kept doing it, they eventually would have really cracked down. Right? No? Alright. Uh, Seph says, I've gotten a few of the old, cease your swashbuckling on the digital seas notices over the years. I just laugh and keep doing it anyways. They don't really pursue it unless you're spreading wealth like some nautical Robin Hood, which isn't a big deal to me, to be honest, because what real pirate shares? Pfft.
[00:20:18] I get in, get out, and enjoy the spoils. There you go. Yeah, man, you shouldn't pirate shows wink. I I Did know somebody in college who Let's see. We were watching something. Let's say nefariously and we were both so we were both on our computers both watching the same feed and The next day he gets a little red note in his mailbox from IT. Hey, you got flagged for watching this thing and
[00:20:46] And I didn't. And so for years we wondered why he got flagged and I didn't when we were doing the same exact thing. So not really a C&D, just like, hey, we saw you do this, don't do it on our network. And nothing happened because we did it again and nobody cared. So it was fine. It was just, it was fine. So yeah, well, you know, we were in college. We didn't have 60 bucks to pay for the thing. So...
[00:21:11] Yeah, I would imagine they're going to say, hey, knock it off, but they're not going to do anything because you're not sharing it. Like you're just watching it for you. Then they're going to be like, hey, quit it and then move on to somebody else. Because it's not like you're broadcasting it to other people so they could see it, too. You're just like, oh, I want to watch this, whatever it is. So, yeah, I get it. But yeah, that's a good pirate. Why would you share? Don't do that. That's for you. All right. Thanks, buddy. Vito says, never got one from any company or authority.
[00:21:38] But I did get a verbal one from my grandmother when I was a teen and she found out I was downloading music illegally as well as watching pirated WWE pay-per-view streams over the internet. She'd watched one too many scare tactic segments on daytime talk TV. She really thought the cops were going to show up and tote my great-grandmother away to prison since the Comcast account was in her name. That is hysterical.
[00:22:01] I mean, I'm sure your grandmother and great-grandmother were horrified at the possibility, but that is very funny, that you watch a thing on TV, like, oh, if you do this, they're gonna come take away your TV and throw you in jail. And they freak out, and then people, you know, believe it, and they don't have fun. So, there we go. That's very funny. But don't do illegal things, everybody. I feel like I have to say that somewhere on this segment. But yeah, it's...
[00:22:27] Look, man, you wouldn't steal a car, wouldn't I? I might. Well, never mind. I was going to go into a whole thing about what the difference is between having a show available and then no longer having it available because the greedy corporation who runs the thing wants to get a tax break and the car doesn't really work there.
[00:22:47] I guess if you bought a car and then you had it for a while or you, all right, no, maybe buying the car is not exactly the way cause you would own that car then. So if you lease a car from the dealership and you have the car for, let's say two years, you got a three year lease. Then they decide, Hey, we're pulling this car off the market and they come and take your car.
[00:23:08] then wouldn't you be inclined to steal that car back? Because like, hey, I still, we had a contract, we had a deal, right? And you took it. Just like, hey, I'm watching this show. And you said, hey, it's going to be available. And all of a sudden, with no warning, it's gone.
[00:23:23] Cause those like last call things on Netflix, they're not really public. Like they don't go out. What I mean by that is, is they don't go out to every subscriber. Like I had to sign up to get on the mailing list for that to be like, here's what's coming to Netflix. And at the end of the email or the end of the list, they document whatever it is. Uh, it's, Oh, by the way, last call, here are the things that are leaving this month.
[00:23:44] Right, so that, like, if it went to every subscriber to your email, that'd be different. But the fact that they send it to certain people for, like, the press, and then other sites post it, like, there's a way that you don't know that at all. Like, something's leaving and you're in the middle of watching it, and it's like, hey, what the hell, I was watching this show, oh, well, we sent it out to this person over here, and you didn't see it, well, too bad. So that's kind of, like, I get it, I get it.
[00:24:11] You wouldn't steal a car though, might you? If they did that to you? If they sent out a little press release to J.D. Power and Associates and said, hey, by the way, we're pulling this car off the market, so you gotta turn them in and do whatever it is you would do with the car.
[00:24:25] before this day, or we're gonna come take it. And all of a sudden, you walk out to go to work, and your car's gone, or they're taking your car. Like, oh, we told these people, you didn't check that, that's your fault, right? So I guess there we go, we made the car analogy work. You wouldn't steal, you remember those commercials, by the way, anti-piracy commercials back in the day? You wouldn't steal a car, why would you steal a song or a movie? Well, I would if I had access to it, and then with no warning, it was pulled. Then I would think about it.
[00:24:51] So there you go. That's piracy for you in a nutshell. Did we make that work? I think we did. I felt good enough about that. I really wasn't going to do it.
[00:24:59] And then I thought the comedic pause would make it work. And I think it did. So there we go. All right. Last one. Jill says she got one from Mary Kay. This is what brought this on. She used to be a rep for Mary Kay. So she sold makeup at parties or whatever. And then she stopped because she was like, nope, I don't want to do this anymore. Because you have to pay. What happens is you have to pay up front for your product. And then you're kind of stuck with it if you don't sell it. So she stopped being a rep. She had a bunch of leftover stuff.
[00:25:25] and decided, hey, I'm going to advertise this in a Facebook yard sale group or whatever. Hey, I got some stuff. It's new. It's never been opened. You can have it, sell it for, I don't know, five bucks or whatever, and it's yours. And some dork called her out in the group like, oh, if you're a rep, you're not supposed to do that. It's in the contract. And she's like, well, I'm not a rep anymore. So I'm just trying to get rid of this stuff.
[00:25:45] She's like, oh, actually, you can't do that, brah. And all of a sudden, Jill gets a letter from Mary Kay, because this person either, like, was a higher up in Mary Kay, or turned around and ratted her out to the people in Mary Kay, like a f***ing loser.
[00:25:59] And all of a sudden, Jill gets a letter, says, hey, you're reselling our product. You have to stop that. And she had to email the people, whoever they were, the legal people, to say, yes, I got the letter. I got the notice. No, I'm not going to sell any more of your stuff. Which is funny, because if she had just gone to a yard sale, like, hey, I got makeup and sold the makeup, nobody would know or care. Like, unless that person happened to show up and be like, oh, where'd you get this stuff? I bought it and didn't use it. There you go. Done with that.
[00:26:27] How about that? They never would have known if this loser didn't report. Oh my god, what a dork. Get a life. Get a life, nerd. Alright, anyway. Speaking of nerds, I can't believe I've never gotten a cease and desist for the show. I can't. Because I have done...
[00:26:47] I have, what did that guy say? That guy who left me that review, freshly used copyrighted material, right? I've done it when we did favorite movie score, favorite TV theme song, favorite holiday, whatever. Like, I've used little clips of theme songs from movies and TV shows on the show, which I know, technically, am I supposed to do that? Probably not, but not a lot of you listen to the show, so I'm not...
[00:27:13] It's actually, this is a good thing. I'm not saying, oh, nobody listens, bro. I don't care. Like I said, I don't care. I do this for me. So the fact that a lot, not a lot of you listen is actually better because then I can keep doing what I want to do with these segments, play these music things and do all this fun stuff. Cause nobody who's important enough to issue me a notice is going to even know I exist. So that's great. So yeah, I, I can't believe I've never gotten one because technically I have, uh, I've been riding that line for a couple of years, right? I've been, uh,
[00:27:42] What did I say? I guess, not sailing the digital seas, but I've definitely been riding the line between, is this okay and is this not okay, for a while when I do this stuff. But, like, it makes it more fun. It makes me happy that not gonna work anymore, is that not a ton of people listen to the show, so it won't really be a problem. Because in order for it to be an issue, number one, people have to know who you are.
[00:28:06] Number two, a lot of people have to have access to what you're doing. And number three, I think I'd have to be making money, which I am not, not for the base show. And by the way, patrons, when I play those things, the Patreon subscribers don't get those segments, right? Like I don't put in the actual music things in the Patreon version because then that would be the issue, right? Then people are paying to hear that part of that version of the show. And so then I would have to
[00:28:34] pay the people involved and do all that. So we skip all that, but I'm very happy that I've never gotten a cease and desist, and that, uh...
[00:28:44] Yeah, not a lot of you listen to the show, which means I get to keep doing what I want to do, which is fantastic. So thank you all for your answers. Thank you, Jill, for the question. Yeah, cease and desist. If you've ever gotten one, or if you think of a funny reason to get one, let me know. Everywhere at The Melting Pat, we will do the stuff. We can always come back to everything that we have, right? We can always revisit and have fun, all right? All right, this has been a long segment. We're going to take a break. We will do, I saw this.
[00:29:13] Man, right after I recorded last week, a guy used his dad's welfare benefits fraudulently, and this story gets wilder at every turn. I thought so. Wait, do I remember that clearly? No, we're gonna learn together, right after this. Okay, we're back. This story came out a week, or the day after I recorded last week. A man went to jail for hiding his father's death.
[00:29:41] to steal Social Security and pension benefits. And I thought this was insane. So he's been sentenced to five years in prison. Timothy Grittman of Brodheadsville, Pennsylvania, pleaded guilty to wire fraud and Social Security fraud after an investigation found he stole $204,985 of his late father's benefits.
[00:30:08] Man, that's like, that's bad enough, right? But we're going to keep going because it gets better and/or worse.
[00:30:20] So, this guy, the lawyers are like, oh, he chose dollars and cents over dignified death for his dad, and he went to lengths to keep the money coming in to hide his dad's passing, because he wanted the money, he was greedy. All right, cool. So, investigators say that the father, whose name was Ralph, was last seen alive by his family in 2016 when he was 79 and in poor health. Then, the next summer, so 2017, both of them moved to Wyoming,
[00:30:48] So from Pennsylvania to Wyoming, where the father's health benefits were last used in September of that year and never again. So, we can roll with this information that the dad, Ralph, died in September-October 2017. So it's alleged that Timothy, the son,
[00:31:08] hid his father's death from the family. And that's crazy enough. Like the first part of this is like, wow, dude, you didn't tell the family that their relative died. And also you're keeping his money. Like you're faking that he's still alive to keep getting his pension and his social security. Okay. And apparently he disposed of the dad's body, but we don't know where or how.
[00:31:31] Okay. He never reported his dad's death. So like what, the dad died in the house or wherever? I get, well, I guess he must've died at home, right? Cause if he died in the hospital, there's a record of that. And then the scheme doesn't work. So he must like, he went to the hospital and said, Oh, you're in poor health. Take this, do this, whatever. So they take some home. They're in Wyoming for whatever reason, takes him home. And then what the guy just dies in the living room, I guess, or in his sleep or something like that. And so.
[00:31:59] I wonder when he hatched this plan, by the way. Like, how long was he planning to move to Wyoming? Right, away from, I assume, away from family and friends who would notice that he wasn't around. And would, like, check in on him, I guess. Because, I don't know, he's across the country. So we can't do that.
[00:32:18] And so it's like, all right, so he doesn't report it. So he must've died at home. So then he kept using his social security payments and his pension benefits for five years, 2017 to 2022. That is, uh, oh my God. But this next part, this is why it really, why I wanted to bring this up. So in that five year span.
[00:32:41] The guy lied to government officials. He even posed as his father several times by using makeup to make himself look older. So, let's see where we are. 2017, dad's not doing well. 2016, dad's not doing well. 2017, he's like, hey, let's go to Wyoming. Why? I don't know. Let's go to Wyoming for whatever reason. So they use his health insurance. Hey, went to the doctor, got whatever.
[00:33:10] So he dies sometime after that. Dad passed away. Okay. Son doesn't report it. And so for the next five years.
[00:33:21] says, yeah, my dad's still here, Ralph's still alive. So he's been using his checks, keeping his checking account open, keeping his cards active, keeping his, whatever it is, keeping all that, like with the bank, with the DMV, if he's got a car, with whatever, all these agencies, maybe if he was receiving food stamps, Medicaid, whatever, keeping that open as well. So fraudulently filling out those forms too. And then the icing on the cake, buddy,
[00:33:50] Like you had to go, I guess you would have to go to the social security office, or like the pension office or whatever, to be like, hey, every year you go and do a renewal, I guess, and you have to go in and sign some forms. So this guy, instead of like, oh man, we got this for a few months and now the jig's up, because I got to go in and like, got to prove that he's still here. No, he put on old man makeup, probably, you know, walked with a limp, probably got a cane, like, hey, I'm Ralph, how's it going? And just for five years, five years,
[00:34:20] posed as his father several times. He put on, this man put on old, disposed of his dad's body somewhere. There's gotta be a forensic files.
[00:34:31] special about this at some point, right? I mean, you don't have the announcer R.I.P. Peter Thomas, but like, there's got to be some kind of special about this, right? Like, is that, like, Jesus, five years, he posed as his dad, like, imagine, he's sitting in the mirror, right? Dad's, you know, buried in the backyard of this Wyoming property or whatever, or like, under the house or something, and this guy's putting, he's like, gotta go get the, gotta get those payments, man, oh, gotta be, like, what, like, what? What are you doing?
[00:35:00] What are you doing, man? Why? Why? Why? Why? Like, what is the... Oh my God. What are you doing? What are you doing? Also, the guy has not shared what he did with his father's remains or where they are. Investigators have not yet found his body. Found the dad's body after multiple searches. Where do you think they looked?
[00:35:20] By the way, like do they look maybe all right, so No, because they both went to Wyoming. So like maybe he actually buried him like in phil in pennsylvania. Oh my god Uh, he also the guy was ordered to pay $83,188 to the social security administration and also $110,897 to the New York state and local retirement system Jesus Christ
[00:35:48] What are we doing? So when do you think he came up with this plan? Right, so the article says the last time his dad, last time Ralph the dad was seen by family was 2016, he was 79, and he's in poor health. So Timothy decides, hey we're gonna move to Wyoming, dad and I are gonna move to Wyoming. Now let's assume they live together. So let's assume that dad's in poor health, he signs over
[00:36:17] Guess power of attorney or something to Timothy. Maybe they live together And he goes, okay, we're gonna take him to Wyoming we're gonna let him live out there. I'm gonna get him out of the out of the hustle and bustle of Brodheadsville, where is Brodheadsville, by the way, let's look this up. Oh
[00:36:36] I want more information by the way. I don't know where were they in Wyoming. What did detectives do to look for his body? Uh, Brodheadsville is in Monroe County. Oh, that's like an hour and a half from here. Maybe not. Let me see. All right. Maybe it's like two hours. That's north of, yeah, north of Allentown. All right. So it's like two hours away. So two hours from me, by the way. So, so this guy decides.
[00:37:05] population of the town is 1700 by the way as of the 2020 census so
[00:37:13] That's a smallish town, right? So you, like, someone would know, right? Even if, like, family's not there, somebody would know that something was off. Like, hey, where's Ralph? Right? Or like, hey, I haven't seen Ralph in a while. How's he doing? What's going on? It's like somebody would, that's a small enough town, I suppose, that somebody would recognize something was wrong.
[00:37:36] And so this guy's like, hey, we're going to go to Wyoming. We don't know anybody out there. Great. So they go to Wyoming. Dad needs to go to the hospital or the doctor to get pills or whatever. And maybe he got pills, sold the pills for more money. Then the dad died and was like, hey, you know what I could do? We're going to keep this going. I want to know when he hatched the plan for the scheme. I want to know, like, how long was this in the works? Did the guy make his dad sign over power of attorney?
[00:38:03] So he could make all these decisions for him. Oh, did the guy decide to move in with dad? Like maybe he's got siblings. It didn't mention any siblings, but maybe he's got siblings. He's like, I'll take care of dad. Don't worry. And he took care of all the stuff. Right. So he had this plan for years. Oh my God, bro. What are you doing? What are you doing, man? And you don't have to get caught, I guess.
[00:38:24] But five years, though. That's a long time to... I wonder, who tipped him off? Like, somebody had to say, hey, where's my dad? He went to Wyoming with my brother or cousin or whoever. Or, you know, where's grandpa? Where's my brother? Where's whoever? Right? Relative. Where's Ralph? We haven't seen him.
[00:38:43] Who calls it in and says, Hey, something's going on here and I don't like it. And so they find Timothy somewhere. Did they, did he go back to Pennsylvania? I wonder, is that how he got caught? Cause he went back to Pennsylvania. Somebody found him and said, Hey, where's Ralph? Where's dad? Whoever like, what the hell? I need more information. I need a documentary episode about this on ID or whatever. We need to know more about this. We really do. I just, what, why?
[00:39:12] What do you do? So you, Jesus. So you hid your dad's death. You probably hid the body somewhere, right? Cause like you would have to do that off book. Otherwise somebody would have reported it, right? I assume if you go to a crematorium, like an official place, they have a record and they go, Oh, okay. He died here. And they would notify whoever, right? There's probably some legal, uh, some legal thing where they have to do that. Right? So we don't have a situation like this. So he had to do it himself. Right? Let's roll with this.
[00:39:43] He disposed of it himself, kept the money coming in, so he was, you know, forging all those documents and e-signatures and whatever he had to do for the Social Security and the pension. So he was forging that stuff to say, hey, yeah, Ralph's still here, he's getting the money, sure, great. And then he posed as his dad.
[00:40:02] He put on old man makeup to go to social security to keep the checks coming. That's devious, dude. That is devious. But he's been sentenced to five years in prison. And I hope at some point we figure out what happened. Where did dad go? Where's Ralph? Where is Ralph? You tell me right now, God damn it. Where is Ralph? Who's getting a TV show about this? Gee, this is crazy. Probably not the only story like this. So if you've got a story, a crazy story where somebody's pretending to be their dad,
[00:40:32] I want to know about it. Cause that's, I want more stories like this. More weird crime stories. Where guys get caught. Cause they're, he slipped up somewhere. He had to, otherwise we wouldn't hear about this. So. Oh boy, so he's going to prison. As he should.
[00:40:49] So the lesson here is don't pretend to be your dead dad and don't hide his death from the family. Cause they're going to find out. They're going to wonder, Hey, where the hell's Ralph? What's that guy up to? And then you have this happen. So there we go. Welfare fraud, man. And social security fraud, like bro. What the fact they said welfare fraud makes me think he was using a fraudulent food stamps too. Or like Medicaid or something like that.
[00:41:14] So I feel like he, uh, he used that too. So triple whammy, I suppose, but good Lord, bro. Don't. If I could teach you anything, don't do this. Don't be this guy. Don't be this guy. All right. The recording program starting to yell at me. So we'll take a break. We will come back. We'll talk about, uh, Oh, the captain. We should have the captain talk about the fly guys right after the hope this all worked break. We'll be right back.
[00:41:45] Okay. There you have it. Sorry. I'm adjusting myself here. I should probably take this out. Hold on. I think it was longer than 20 minutes. I'm supposed to, uh, take off the peas after 20 minutes and then 20 minutes go by and then I put it back on and hopefully that helps. I don't know. It really, it helped in the moment. So that's good. All right. So welfare man, don't, don't pretend to be your dead dad to get a social security, bro. Get a job, get a job. You bum Jesus. Sorry. I'm moving the peas. Hold on.
[00:42:14] I have nowhere else to put them. I'll keep them in my lap. It'll be fine. So let me tell you one thing before we go to the captain and before we end the show. I saw this the other day. You can now do your taxes through ChatGPT. And I have to tell you, please don't do this. If I can teach you anything about finances, let me teach you two things. Number one,
[00:42:41] Never take a cash advance on your credit card. You will get slammed with so much interest. You will never be able to pay that off. Don't do it because if you have to take a cash advance, it means you're already in dire straits. So don't dig the hole deeper because otherwise you'll have to pretend to be your dead dad to get his pension to pay that off. So don't do that. So that's the first thing. The second thing.
[00:43:05] Do not use a chat bot to do your taxes. Certainly don't pay it $50. Like whoever's running chat GPT, they're charging $50. I just don't know. Don't do that. Don't use chat. Don't use a damn chat bot to do your taxes.
[00:43:24] Don't do that. If you want to pay somebody to do your taxes, give me 50 bucks. I'll do your taxes. I've been doing my own taxes since I was 18. All right. Half my life. Almost. I'll do your taxes. PayPal me 50 bucks. I'll do your taxes right now. I'll do it in 15 minutes. Well, I guess it depends on how many people there are, but I know how to do it. Don't use a chat bot to do your taxes. Why would you do that? Why? Why? All right. Listen,
[00:43:55] A chatbot at its core is just taking information that people give it and using that to update its own service to spit out new information, right? So it tells the store like it, it, the chatbot is good until like 2022 or up to date as of like 2022 on internet knowledge, right? Cause that's all the code that's been fed into it, right? Why would you take that? Like,
[00:44:23] When Phry McDunstan was on the show a couple months ago, we talked about AI and basically what these bots do is they update themselves based on information people give it. So what would possess you to give your financial information to a chatbot, to like the open internet? I'm not saying the internet's super secure all the time, and sure, we all take risks with what we put online, but please, for the love of whatever you pray to,
[00:44:53] Do not use a chatbot to do your taxes. If you need to spend the money, go to H and R Block or pay me. I'm cheaper. I promise. It's going to be great. It'll be fine. Or learn how to do your taxes. You're an adult. Figure it out.
[00:45:11] Oh my god, don't, don't do your, like, H and R Block's free, bud. TurboTax used to be free. H and R Block was free for me. We had a simple return, we just got a refund the other day. But please do not, don't use a chatbot to do your taxes. Just don't, why would you do this? Why?
[00:45:33] Look, I love technology as much as the next guy. I really do. I think you can do some cool things with AI, and there are some things that AI should not be used for. One of the things AI should not be used for is do your taxes! Do your own taxes! Oh my god. Why would you do that? Why? Why? I just rub my hands on my face like, why would you do... Why? First of all,
[00:46:00] Don't put financial information into a chatbot. That's the first thing. Don't put any personal information into a chatbot. And don't pay it either. Like, why would you? Why? What are you doing? How complicated? Well, okay, if your taxes are that complicated, pay an actual CPA or pay H and R block, whoever, right? Your solution should not be, I'm gonna use ChatGPT to do my taxes. Here's 50 bucks.
[00:46:27] What is wrong with you? Look, if we get any IRS people listening, if someone does their taxes through ChatGPT, just even them out. Or like, make them pay you 50 bucks.
[00:46:42] Like, you already paid ChatGPT 50 bucks, you gotta pay us 50 bucks too, because you wasted our time. That's what you should do. That'll help, right? So you already paid 50 bucks to the chatbot for your taxes, and the IRS decided, hey, you're stupid, pay us 50 bucks too. You won't know that it's wrong, because you used the damn chatbot to do your taxes. Jesus. Don't... Look, because then, again, you have to go and pretend to be your dead dad to use his pension, because you're out of money, because you had to pay ChatGPT and the IRS.
[00:47:11] Don't, just don't, Jesus. Again, if I can teach you two financial literacy things in your life. Look, I'm not a genius, but I've learned a lot. I'm 35, I'm a dad. I feel qualified to give advice. And I will give you these two pieces of advice for free.
[00:47:31] Do not take a cash advance on a credit card. Do not use a chatbot to do your taxes. For the love of whatever you, again, for the love of God or whoever, do not use a chatbot to do your taxes, you dumb... We're done. People are too stupid. We should not have access to this technology because nobody knows how to use it. Not nobody, but people are paying 50 bucks to do their taxes for.
[00:48:01] I really hope the captain's here so he can save us again. Because, um, now I'm flummoxed. I really was just gonna tell you at the top, like, hey, hey, hey, don't use a chatbot to do your taxes, you idiot. And then, seven minutes later, here we are. So... I just...
[00:48:17] I don't know who thought this was a good idea. I don't know who thinks it's a good idea to pay a chatbot to do your taxes. It's not. It's a terrible idea. And don't do this. Don't do that. Don't. Just don't. Just don't do it. Why not? If you have to ask, you're too dumb to know. Just don't use a chatbot to do your taxes. Okay? And don't take a cash advance on a credit card. All right? All right. There we go. Captain, please be there to save us, because we need some levity after this. Levity, brevity. I'm hungry. All right.
[00:48:47] Captain, tell us what's up with the fly guys. The floor, please be there. The floor is yours. Take it away. Hey, Flyers fans, Mark back at you again, giving another Flyers Update! Yeah! Woo! Guys, here we are towards the end of February, rolling into the last two months of the hockey season. The Flyers currently sitting third in the Metropolitan Division. They have some tough games coming up,
[00:49:17] Divisional games coming up so let's take a look at where they have been recently. So last Thursday Flyers ended up losing 4-3
[00:49:26] against the Toronto Maple Leafs in Toronto in overtime. This game went back and forth, back and forth, the Flyers clawing back, showing that resilience as they have all season. Then on Saturday, the Flyers had a very special game, the stadium series playing up at MetLife Stadium, the Flyers taking on the Devils. Now, the outcome wasn't quite what they wanted, ended up losing that game six to three.
[00:49:50] But the Flyers were able to showcase what they have going on. This is a rebuilding team and the Flyers had that prime time game to show some of those young stars. Now tonight the Flyers are going to be heading to Chicago, taking on the Blackhawks, playing a very poor Chicago team. However, Conor Bedard is back, coming back from that jaw fracture. So it'll be exciting to see the kid out there.
[00:50:13] we'll see what they can do but I think the Flyers can handle business tonight. then the Flyers are gonna take on two division rivals: they're taking on the rangers Saturday and then the Penguins Sunday, the rangers are playing
[00:50:24] in philly on saturday, then the Flyers have to go up to Pittsburgh on Sunday. So two huge games for the division, and then they're gonna finish out next Tuesday: they're playing against the Lightning at home. And that finishes out February, guys. And then we're rolling into only 22 games left after that: 15 in March, 7 in April.
[00:50:46] The Flyers currently standing third place in the Metropolitan Division. I am excited. I think this team can do it. I think they can make the playoffs. Let's see if they can continue to push and make these games count to get those big points. So, guys, that's it for me here inside the Melting Pat on Next Level Radio. Thank you, my friend, the Melting Pat, the Next Level Network, in case he wasn't there, in which case... Oh, boy. All right. Thanks, everybody. That's it.
[00:51:15] That is it for me today. Sorry, no song. I know I didn't have a... Didn't have a... It in me to do a real mouth riff and do it justice, but... Next week we should be back. We should be okay with... My... should be better. We should be... We should be okay to do what we usually do. Shout out to the doctor. Shout out to Patrice for doing such great work on the old Snippy Snip. I'll keep you... I won't keep you posted, but I'll let you know in three months if it worked.
[00:51:43] So fingers and toes crossed. Thank you everybody for your cease and desist answers. That was a lot of fun. And don't pretend to be your dead dad or dead any relative to get their pension because you're going to get caught because nobody is slick enough to not get caught. All right? All right. And don't use a chat bot to do your taxes. That's all. Okay?
[00:52:01] All right, The Melting Pat dot com for all of my stuff. The newsletter, the Patreon, all the music we play, all the things that are up there on the website for you. There's a contact page, that is the best way to get a hold of me. Leave a message, send a text, 209-867-7638. Do the things over there. We'll have all the fun. Okay? Alright. We're good, right?
[00:52:25] I hope this all worked. I don't know. It sounds... it's probably okay. We'll find out later or we'll have to re-record all this tomorrow. We'll do our best. But that is all. G Love and Special Sauce with cold beverage. They're gonna play us out as they always do. Philadelphonic dot com for more from them. And that, my friends, is our show. Thank you very much. Take care. Don't be stupid. Right?
[00:52:47] Right. This has been a Nate Boylan production. Until next time, my friends. Have fun. Be safe. Thank a veteran. Wear your mask. Wash your hands. Get vaccinated and boosted when you can. And of course, don't do anything I wouldn't do. We are good, right? Yes. Thank you. I love you. Go have fun. Okay? All right. Break. You've been inside The Melting Pat on the Next Level Network. Go crap open a cold one.
[00:53:37] Song: G. Love and Special Sauce - Cold Beverage
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Vasectomy
After having to reschedule this procedure three times, I am finally snipped. I only really felt it when the doctor cauterized the boys, so the actual snippy snip was mostly painless. It was odd to be able to hear her working on me, though. But if you or your dude pals are planning on having this done? Just be prepared to be uncomfortable for at least a week. Shoutout to my smokin hot wife for being a damn superhero!
(Also: Patrice! Start the podcast with your daughter. I'm here to help if you need it!)
Cease and desist
Thanks to my smokin hot wife for the idea, and to all of you for your answers. I guess the lesson is that we should stop being so nefarious, but where's the fun in that? Keep on keepin on, I say, so we can revisit this topic down the road!
Hiding your dad's death
This story (via NBC Philadelphia) was wild! My man moved his dad to Montana from Pennsylvania, disposed of his body (somewhere??), and used makeup TO PASS HIMSELF AS HIS DAD TO SOCIAL SECURITY. Friends, there are other ways to make money. And many of those ways aren't gross and insane like this. We need a TV episode about all of this!
ChatGPT on taxes
I have a confession: I read a headline about this on Threads and nothing else. I went old-school, Something Provocative-style and did zero extra research. I still haven't done any. But I feel like the overall point of "don't give financial information to chatbots" is still valid. Don't do that. And don't take a cash advance on your credit card.
(Also consent can be revoked at any time. And if the police ask to talk to you when you did not call them, do not give any information - not even your name.)
Flyers
We needed The Captain to save the show and once again he delivered. Thank you, my friend. Could we once again be talking about the Fly Guys in the playoffs?
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And that, as we say, is that! Thanks for coming to the table as always, and shoutout to the good doctor and Patrice and my smokin hot wife. You're all winners in my book! Next week we may have guests, If not, you're stuck with just me again. So come on back for more fun and until then, don't do anything I wouldn't do!
Crap open a cold one!
(This post was brought to you by Broad Street Bound.)
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